Feeling More & Living Fully

When deciding to come and live at the Humaniversity almost two years ago, I was not very happy with my life. I had just completed seven-and-a-half years of medical school in my home country, Israel, and knew I needed a change.

While I had always been surrounded by friends, I had at the same time a constant feeling of loneliness lingering in the background. Something was missing, it was difficult for me to relax and be myself completely, and I felt a longing to have deeper connections. Coming from a very religious, ultra-orthodox Jewish background and studying in a strict rabbinical school from age thirteen to twenty-three, my mind had become my main tool for experiencing and understanding life and myself. Living in this ultra-orthodox community also meant having only male classmates and friends to relate with until I entered university. I completely missed out on experiencing relating and interacting with girls and women.

During my years at medical school, I found myself looking for ways to get out of my over-rational mind and feel myself more, and I longed for deep and fulfilling friendships with both men and women. I knew I wanted to live a life of passion and intensity, not a life of numbness, being stuck in my head and feeling lonely.

I wanted a change.

Therefore, I postponed my final year of medical internship and signed up for three months of the Humaniversity Student Program. Not knowing exactly what I had signed up for, I was both curious and nervous. Despite my ‘not-completely-sure-I-trust-this’ attitude I threw myself into the program: I began practicing expressing and moving through my emotions, and as I did, I observed how layers of my numbness began to lift and I started to feel more and more alive. At the end of these three months, I realized how much I can benefit from the student program and the workshops the Humaniversity offers, and I committed to completing a full year of the program.

Making this choice was no doubt one of the best choices I have ever made. Living in the student program, relating closely with others from different age groups, different nationalities, with a very different upbringing was both fascinating and confronting. By getting to know people with different attitudes and approaches to life I gained a much broader understanding of how life can unfold, with experiences ranging from very pleasant to those of trauma and addiction.  The environment of the student program was a playground for me to try out new things. I could explore and expand my spectrum of taste in the way I dressed, listened to music, and connect to people, all outside my conditioning and comfort zone. My relating skills also improved greatly. Having to get along with all the people I was living so closely with made me realize that to experience true friendships, I needed to be able to see the beauty and qualities in them beyond my judgements and reactions.

Another major part of the student program was practicing expressing my emotions, finding ways to move with them rather than avoiding them and numbing myself. Through Osho Dynamic meditations early in the morning, evening sessions and many other emotional release exercises, I was getting more and more in touch with my feelings and learning how to process them. As I began getting in touch with the anger I had in me, and allowing myself to feel it, I noticed I was becoming more honest and assertive in my daily life. Things I was afraid to speak up about from fear of creating a conflict and being rejected, I started to express with more ease and without terrible consequences, which made me more direct and clearer in my communications. Slowly I also began to get in touch with my fear and my pain, learning to feel them, relax and befriend them.

Another meaningful part of my growth during the year included that I learned to see and care for others a lot more, and I was pleased to feel how empowering and nourishing this was for me.

Recently I was reflecting on how much love and care I am receiving at the Humaniversity and was touched deeply. And don’t be mistaken, I don’t mean love as an overly sweet, pampering type of love, but rather one of honest feedback and heartful encouragement for taking total responsibility for my life so I can grow to be my best self.

I am close to completing my time at the Humaniversity, and I look back in amazement and gratitude at what I achieved, and I a still exploring where it is I want to explore more.

In a few months, I will be returning to Israel to complete my final year of medical internship. I feel very grateful to the Humaniversity staff and community for accompanying me on this amazing journey. You will forever be dear and close to my heart.

With much love,

Akiva